Relationship Check
Partnership Under Review
Bladder infections often occur more frequently when there are relationship problems. While there is no scientific evidence for this, sharing experiences with fellow sufferers often reveals exactly this connection. In extreme cases, it is not only unresolved issues in the partnership, but also "tolerated" sexual intercourse.
Reflect briefly on the following questions:
- How happy are you in your relationship?
- How fulfilling is your sexual relationship with your partner?
- Are you relaxed?
- Are you able to express yourself fully?
- Can you let go? - How does your bladder feel during and after sexual intercourse?
From the realm of psychosomatics, we know that bladder infections often revolve around the theme of "holding back / letting go".
Be honest with yourself and answer this: Do I want to keep my partner, or would I prefer to let go?
Vicious Circle of Fear
Chicken or egg problem: What came first? The relationship problem or the bladder infection? Unresolved relationship issues aren’t always the starting point.
In my personal story, the bladder infection came first. I loved and wanted my partner. But when the infections kept coming back and it was clear that sexual intercourse was the trigger, it affected me. My mind couldn't switch off anymore, and I couldn't let myself go.
Without wanting to, something had solidified in my brain: Sex = pain. The only way I could break free from this fear was by giving up sex. You can probably imagine the negative effects this had on my well-being and my relationship.
Helpless Partner
The bladder can react to unresolved relationship issues. At the same time, bladder infections can strain the partnership. From my own experience, I can tell you quite a bit about the latter - unfortunately, not all of it positive.
Are you feeling miserable with bladder infections after sex? So is your partner. Try putting yourself in his shoes. Your partner often feels somewhat guilty. He is afraid of hurting you with intercourse. He likely sometimes wonder if it’s his fault, or the way he is having sex with you.
And because men are rarely affected by urinary tract infections, they can't fully understand your pain. They can only guess how awful you feel. Your partner will need a lot of patience and acceptance - whether you're in tears, when sex is off the table, or when trips are cancelled, etc.
My advice: Don’t keep it a secret, be open and talk to him. Explain that it’s not their fault. In most cases, it’s your own e-coli bacteria from the vaginal area that gets pushed in during sex. Tell him about biofilms, the sneaky hiding game of the bacteria. The friction during sex can tear the protective layer, allowing the hidden pathogens to resurface in your bladder.
Include him in your rules of behaviour for battling UTIs, and he will understand and support you. The reward will be a fulfilling sex life.
Desire Without Bladder Frustration
The most burdensome topic from my experience is often sexual intercourse. The desire for sex disappears when you're almost always "rewarded" with a bladder infection afterwards.
But it doesn’t have to be that way! Two of my articles delve deeply into this and offer you plenty of tips & behavioural guidelines:
And although my bladder is now happy, I never go without: A clean downstairs, lubricant as needed, and always straight to the toilet right after, followed by a glass of water.
Only do in bed what feels good for you! Stick to positions where your pelvis can relax and your bladder isn’t subjected to any additional mechanical irritation.
If you have an acute infection, sex is a no-go. Even a few days after the symptoms subside, I recommend snuggling rather than sex.
Mind Trap
Does just the thought of sex make you shudder because you know what’s in store afterwards? Unfortunately, this mindset and fear of the next bladder infection tends to attract it even more.
My safety valve was always having a previously effective antibiotic on hand, either at home or when travelling . Particularly with "Honeymoon Cystitis", there is a post-coital single-dose therapy: Fosfomycin Trometamol (e.g. Monuril®). This is not an advertisement for using antibiotics for bladder infections. It’s always better to heal an uncomplicated infection without antibiotics. For me, just knowing there was an antibiotic in the medicine cabinet took away a huge amount of fear, which in itself was incredibly helpful.
"The good news comes at the end: Even deeply ingrained beliefs, such as Sex = Bladder Infection, can be reprogrammed! Even though bladder infections will likely accompany me for the rest of my life (if only in my head - I'll never forget), I've managed to return to a fulfilling sexual life. Please don’t despair: You can achieve this too!"
